Nearly three years ago I had a powerful experience that completely altered the direction of my life. In the practice of astral travel (something I had learned to do as a disassociation from my own troubling reality), I experienced something foreign to me and learned that it was the Holy Spirit of the Bible. I can assure you that this was hardly what I was looking for, yet there I was facing the most brilliant vision that I will never be able to fully describe. The most appropriate word for it is, simply, love – an all-consuming sensation that I could simultaneously see, hear, taste and feel into every part of me.
Love showed me beyond a lifetime of things in a single moment. I saw myself past, present and future, and I saw the web of life that sprung from every decision or indecision I had or would ever make. I saw how the sands of time gathered more like water than a military line. I saw brilliant colors I’d never seen before and sounds that only heaven itself could create. And for the first time as a self-conscious adult, I believed in something I hadn’t before. Not out of blind faith, but because the gates were open right in front of me – in my bedroom, of all places.
That experience lifted burdens off of my back and veils from my face that I hadn’t even known I was carrying. I could feel the curtains of fear tear away from the fabric of my being and in an instant I was lighter, stood taller and felt free from decades of physical pain. The mental torment I had experienced all my life stopped short at an unmovable fortress that now stood around me.
Some people have supernatural experiences and say they see God. It took me a more literal approach to find that some time later. Some people say they’ve seen Jesus. It took me another two years before I’d meet him. But what I knew without a doubt on May 15, 2017 was that the thing that the Bible called the “Holy Spirit” was absolutely, 100% real and was now alive inside of me. I felt, in a literal sense, born again.
“So I guess I’m a Christian, now.”
But I carried away one burden. It clung to my temple like a weary piece of fabric. I saw a future that was not as glorious as the one I had planned to create myself. I saw days in front of me that would bring great trial not only to myself, but everyone else around me. I saw a critical point at which nothing would ever be the same and that the other side of it is what I was made for. But holy sh* was that scary.
Some days, I have honestly been in denial. Sometimes I’m bored while I wait. There are times I doubt the experience at all or the truth of the message I was so certain of in the moment. Part of me wants to escape the call at all. But the honest part deepest inside of me has simply been patient (sometimes not-so patient) in waiting.
Again in November of last year, I heard the same voice telling me that something big is coming. That God voice. That thought that comes right from the throne of heaven into the deep seat of a spirit that will listen. That voice that isn’t your own. It said that big change was coming and it said that it was specifically coming in March.
To be honest, I took this a bit selfishly that some of my own desires would be fulfilled soon. I hopefully interpreted that some of the honest pursuits I had been working towards would come to fruition. Maybe I forgot a little bit that I was called to even greater things than those I’d been working on to hold present space.
The current world affairs, if you’ll look at them honestly, are terrifying at the eye level of humanity. To be a human at this time is simply a scary experience no matter how you face it. It seems to be the end of the world at least as we have known it and the honest human perspective is that we have stepped into a reality we had not hoped to see. Yet here we are.
And I sense that the little piece of fabric that has clung to me is coming loose. As most of the world seems to be holding its breath or gasping for it, I’m taking a sigh of relief that I’ve arrived here at last. I’ve carried the anticipation for such a time as this for nearly three years and I finally get to speak these things I’ve held onto.
Though this will fall on many deaf ears, for those who have listening ears let them hear it:
Jesus promised us he is coming back.
The Bible is not a book of proverbs to take pull-quotes from and embellish with wispy fonts and floral accents. It’s not a children’s storybook (it has war stories, sex stories and way too much drama). The strangest thing to me in choosing my firm beliefs is that we forget to read the final chapter of the greatest book ever written; even the content itself we practically take from SparkNotes and in abbreviation. It is not “a vibe.” My friends, it is a sacred text that is as alive today as it was when it was written. They are not just words on a page the way that you and I write with these arbitrary shapes and lines to paper and pixels. The ultimate Word of the Bible is alive and it breathes and the most brilliant, promising, hope-filled message of the whole thing isn’t even the hotly-debated gospel message itself, but in the promise that the story isn’t even finished yet.
If you feel hopeless at this time, if you feel like your reality is shattering around you and if you feel fear in the face of uncertainty, I encourage you only to be curious. Not to take my word as gospel because it most certainly is not solid enough alone to stand on, but be curious about what the heavens have in store for you.
The real virus isn’t a disease and the most poisonous infection isn’t the sting of death. What we’re scared of is the fact that we are completely out of control. But that’s a wonderful and refreshing thing to recognize and embrace because when we stop being the gods of our own reality, we see that there is a God who knew the end even before the beginning.